To Introduce the Wonders of Men, Part One.

Since I have been married for one year, two months and twenty days, I know pretty much everything about men. Just kidding. But here are a limited number of my favorite things about the opposite sex, as seen in my ol' man. I am intrigued by and delight in the differences.

1. Masters of Sound Effect.

Matt can put his tongue to the roof of his mouth and create such a force of pressure between the two that when he pulls away the effect created could damage your hearing should you find yourself unfortunately close to him. I asked him how he does that. He says it's the same as clicking your tongue, but magnified. Yes, but HOW do you magnify this? Well, says he, you can see that I'm not straining my neck (referring to my attempts to make this amplified POP, but only succeeding in looking like an old turtle), and I guess it's more like the force you use with a straw, only back in the middle of the roof of your mouth. Someday I will wake the mountains with this sound, as only my husband can; but, alas, for now I can only produce the same click I've done since I was two.

This is but one example. Think about the males you've encountered, and remember a time they animated a story. I guarantee there was at least one moment your eyes widened at the added sound effects. It's a wondrous thing and I cherish the moments.

2. Tool Connoisseurs.

I consider myself to be a curious person. I like asking questions, and I like to think I ask intelligent questions (whatever that means). Something that boggles my mind is that every time I see some sort of gadget or gizmo or whoz-it or whatz-it and ask Matt, expecting a baffling question mark to be added over his head- he knows.

"Matt, what is that monster?" I asked this week as we drove by some sort of large metal contraption on wheels painted the same yellow someone decided would be the color of construction. It had water steaming around it and running down the sides and the whole lane was blocked off with cones as ten men with the-same-yellow-colored construction hats protecting their brains stood around watching the one guy controlling it.

Now, I know Matt has never used one of these by the powers of reason. He's only ever used a tractor and a four-wheeler for occupational purposes to my knowledge. Why would he know what this is?

He did. "It seems to be some sort of masonry saw and the water generated is to cool it from the amount of heat created from trying to cut through stone."

HOW? WHO taught you? Do all fathers pass this down in some sort of oratory tradition? Did Matt think to ask these questions before I ever did when he was but a wee lad and has therefore a much larger database for monster tools? Incredible.

3. Animals like him first.

Granted I have only observed this mostly with other people's dogs we are just meeting, so perhaps it's not across the board, but I would estimate about 90% of our encounters with new animals, the dog or cat seeks Matt's attention first. I've seen this with Jeff and our dog Elmo- even though I'm pretty sure Mom's the one who feeds him. I've seen it with my Paw Paw and two consecutive toy poodles he purchased for my Maw Maw's delight. They end up following him to build sheds and go fishing before you would ever witness them wanting to be groomed in any sort of fashion (which I think is a very tragic tradition for the poor pups).

Perhaps the animals can smell the adventure and testosterone oozing out of man-pores. But I happen to love adventure, and every girl has a little testosterone- so I'm not sure if this is logical. You could say that maybe they can sense Matt's kindness- but come on, more than ME?! I would probably give them my bed if they twirked their head cockeyed and sniffed the air at me just right. AH! Maybe it is the fearless dominance men don't mind exerting over what's said to be their dominion. But Matt really just pats their heads and scratches their backs, and I don't think they're THAT intuitive. Whatever it is, Matt's got it. Remarkable.